I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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