one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
