youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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