We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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