Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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