i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
