I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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