Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
