Umm I'm too high to move.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
