I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pants are for mortals
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
