we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
