"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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