"it" just moved
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
NoShamevember. You game?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
