I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
