ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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