I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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