Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
