well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
