if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This is my gift to your gina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
