I accidentally had phone sex last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
