Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
