Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
