You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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