i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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