I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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