he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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