I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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