im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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