So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
