Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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