had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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