Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
