Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
