You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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