you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
