someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
