If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize