She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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