I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
