You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
