I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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