my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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