Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
