So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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