yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
