no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
