We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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