You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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