So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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