i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
