it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
