I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
