after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
