Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
