well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
