Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
