These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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