he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
