I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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