he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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