i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wear drunk well.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
