YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
