and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
