his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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