Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
