i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
