I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
