I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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