I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
