I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
